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Summary
Summary
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER * From the author of The Power of Habit , a fascinating exploration of what makes conversations work--and how we can all learn to be supercommunicators at work and in life
"A winning combination of stories, studies, and guidance that might well transform the worst communicators you know into some of the best."--Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Hidden Potential
FINALIST FOR THE SABEW BEST IN BUSINESS BOOK AWARD
Come inside a jury room as one juror leads a starkly divided room to consensus. Join a young CIA officer as he recruits a reluctant foreign agent. And sit with an accomplished surgeon as he tries, and fails, to convince yet another cancer patient to opt for the less risky course of treatment. In Supercommunicators , Charles Duhigg blends deep research and his trademark storytelling skills to show how we can all learn to identify and leverage the hidden layers that lurk beneath every conversation.
Communication is a superpower and the best communicators understand that whenever we speak, we're actually participating in one of three conversations: practical ( What's this really about? ), emotional ( How do we feel? ), and social ( Who are we? ). If you don't know what kind of conversation you're having, you're unlikely to connect.
Supercommunicators know the importance of recognizing--and then matching--each kind of conversation, and how to hear the complex emotions, subtle negotiations, and deeply held beliefs that color so much of what we say and how we listen. Our experiences, our values, our emotional lives--and how we see ourselves, and others--shape every discussion, from who will pick up the kids to how we want to be treated at work. In this book, you will learn why some people are able to make themselves heard, and to hear others, so clearly.
With his storytelling that takes us from the writers' room of The Big Bang Theory to the couches of leading marriage counselors, Duhigg shows readers how to recognize these three conversations--and teaches us the tips and skills we need to navigate them more successfully.
In the end, he delivers a simple but powerful lesson: With the right tools, we can connect with anyone.
Reviews (4)
Publisher's Weekly Review
Pulitzer winner Duhigg (The Power of Habit) contends in this savvy guide that "we can learn to connect in more meaningful ways if we can understand how conversations work." According to Duhigg, so-called supercommunicators more easily build trust, persuade others, and form friendships because they've honed such skills as "matching" (recognizing the kind of conversation they're having, whether it's about making a decisions, conveying emotions, or forming a bond) and "looping" (repeating what one's interlocutor has said in one's own words). Drawing on social experiments, neurological studies, and examples of how CIA agents recruit informants and doctors review treatment options with patients, Duhigg provides wise advice for bonding with friends, fighting with partners, and bridging divides over such lightning-rod issues as gun control. (In moments of conflict, readers should show they're listening--rather than silently preparing a rebuttal--by asking questions, summarizing the other person's views, and asking for confirmation; this helps people feel safe enough to receive someone else's opinions and share their own.) In lucid prose, Duhigg breaks conversation down to its fundamentals, providing both an actionable guide and a revealing peek into the psychological needs and motivations that underpin human interaction. It's a smart, revelatory look at the complex ways in which humans conflict and connect. (Feb.)
Kirkus Review
Now more than ever, the ability to properly communicate is a crucial skill. Certain people seem to have a gift for conversation, for understanding others and making themselves understood. Whether their ability is intuitive or deeply considered, they have much to teach the rest of us, especially when our society seems to be increasingly polarized and confrontational. Duhigg, a New York Times reporter and author of The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better, says he wrote this book because he recognized that his own verbal skills were poor. He delves deeply into the nature and structure of conversations, combining his own careful observations of "supercommunicators" with relevant research. He eventually defines three types of conversation and their inner meaning. Practical conversations ask, what is this really about? Emotional conversations deal with a different question: How do we feel? Social conversations involve questions of who we are. Being able to identify the type of conversation is a crucial step toward becoming a better communicator, and studies show that people's brainwaves start to move in sync when they are in the same category. Duhigg breaks down each type to develop a set of useful rules, noting that empathetic listening is an essential starting point. In many cases, the listener has to be able to share some of their own experiences without making it about themselves. The author provides illustrative anecdotes, ranging from a CIA agent recruiting sources to jurors discussing a tricky case. He admits that all this takes effort and concentration, although it gets easier with practice, and the rewards of good interaction are worth the work. "Connecting with others can make us healthier, happier, and more content," he writes. "Conversations can change our brains, bodies, and how we experience the world." With a focus on practical advice, Duhigg unpacks the essential tools for effective, positive conversations. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Booklist Review
Conversations, whether online, on the phone, via text, or in person, are meant to connect us to one another. But these connections don't always work the way we'd like. Journalist Duhigg, who admits to some communication challenges himself, dives into the research and comes up with three questions to ask when trying to identify the nature of a conversation: "What's This Really About?" "How Do We Feel?" and "Who Are We?" These questions enable speakers to determine the type of exchange underway and proceed most effectively. The author uses examples of communications from the CIA, among jurors, and in psychological studies. Duhigg finds that the conversations in which speakers are willing to be vulnerable and share their feelings seem to be the most satisfying for both sides. In our politically divided world, there's a need for conversations focused on common goals rather than determining who is right, says the author. Duhigg's methods are clear and sensible. Anyone reading this book will find themselves suddenly thinking before responding and really listening, two skills that are badly needed in our world.
Library Journal Review
In a time when people are becoming increasingly isolated from one another--whether due to social media, the COVID pandemic, or cultural and political divisiveness--creating meaningful relationships through effective communication becomes a means of revitalizing social life. Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Duhigg (The Power of Habit) has created a roadmap to better connection through the practice of supercommunication. He explains that discerning whether a discussion is based on decision making, emotions, or social contexts can assist people in having more meaningful conversations and work through conflict, especially when they have differing points of views, feelings, or backgrounds. Regardless of the type of conversation one has, he emphasizes the importance of trying to connect to people through careful listening, being empathetic, and asking others what they need. He shares insights into these techniques by drawing from examples of successful supercommunicators, people hailing from a myriad of professions, such as NASA psychologists, CIA spies, surgeons, and television writers. VERDICT A how-to-guide and useful overview for readers wanting to communicate more effectively. Along with David Brooks's recent How To Know a Person, a timely primer for creating deeper connections with others.--Donna Marie Smith
